Finding Happiness and Hope During this Season of Giving

Sonia Marines (DCAC Bi-Lingual Therapist) shared this story with me this morning and I asked that she share it with all of you as our final blog post before the Christmas holiday. 

We at DCAC have been incredibly humbled by the outpouring of support and gifts for our kids this year...a year in which many are struggling financially due to the challenging economic times we are all facing.  Please know that your kindness is so very appreciated.  We all know the rewards of giving.  The feeling in incomparable....as you will see as you read on....

"Since July 2010, I have been treating two sisters, ages 6 & 9, along with their grandmother. Their grandmother currently has custody because the girls’ biological mother was allegedly physically abusive towards the 6 yr old, who has a heart condition. Grandmother is incredibly passionate about protecting her granddaughters.  She is loving and nurturing towards them. The girls report feeling happy and safe with her. The family was progressing well until October of this year when Grandmother was laid off from her job.  Since then, they have been struggling financially. This created anxiety and stress for her which has also affected the girls.


This holiday season, DCAC has received many toys and clothes donations to give away for Christmas. Today the girls’ grandmother stopped by and I had her pick out gifts for her granddaughters. She was so happy and relieved that her granddaughters would have a happy Christmas with presents under the tree.

As she was searching, she came across a “Singing Cardinals” decoration that she really loved, so I asked if she wanted it for herself. Suddenly, her eyes filled with tears as she shared with me that the girls were sad because SHE would not have any gifts this Christmas. I told her that I would show the “Singing Cardinals” to the girls and ask if they wanted to give it to her as a Christmas present.
I met with the girls for their session and showed them the "Singing Cardinals." They were sooo happy that they would be able to give their grandmother a gift for Christmas. They wrapped the decoration with such love and both made cards for her, which they taped to the present.

Afterwards, they rushed over to their grandmother to show her the surprise. What I found so extraordinary about the girls was that they were not at all concerned about gifts for themselves.  They were happy simply because their loving grandmother was getting a gift of her own.  A real lesson for us all.

Thanks to BOMA (including KEW Realty), "We The Family" Facebook Group, and Walgreen’s, Grandma will be able to give her selfless granddaughters many many presents of their own on Christmas Day ." 

--Sonia Marines

Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday Wishes to One and All from DCAC.

"I've Never Known Anyone Who Was Abused"

I sat over lunch this week with a dear friend I’ve known now for a number of years.  She is probably in her late 70’s and comes from an affluent area in the Denver Metro area.  Because I had not seen her since taking my new position at DCAC, she wanted to know exactly what I’m doing and, more importantly, what DCAC does.  As my fundraising career has primarily been in higher education and the arts, this change has been quite a departure from the familiar.  I began sharing with her about exactly what the incredible staff of DCAC sees on a daily basis.* Over the course of the conversation, “Delores” continually expressed surprise, finally confessing, “Well, I have never known anyone who was abused.”  Another lady sitting nearby leaned in and shared, “Yes, dear, you do.  You just don’t know that you do.” 

That moment was profound for all three of us.  The fact is, if we have any circle of acquaintances at all, we know someone (probably MANY people) who has/have suffered abuse and violence.  But what are the indicators?  Our Prevention Team at DCAC educates children, caregivers, teachers and parents on abuse:  signs of abuse, at-risk children, appropriate and inappropriate adult/child interaction.  The truth of the matter is that a child that grows up in a secure environment with a supportive family and community has a much greater chance of success and survival.  To this end, there is a direct correlation between the investments states make in health, education and social programs and the welfare of their children. 

According to a non-partisan report recently released by the organization, “Every Child Matters”, children living in states that rank lowest in such investments are:

• ·         Twice as likely to die in their first year as children in the highest ranking state.
• ·         Three times more likely to die between the ages of 1-14.
• ·         Nearly three times more likely to die between the ages of 15-19.
• ·         Three times more likely to be born to a teenage mother.
• ·         Five times more likely to have mothers who received late or no prenatal care.
• ·         Three times more likely to live in poverty.
• ·         Five times more likely to be uninsured.
• ·         Eight times more likely to be incarcerated.
• ·         Thirteen times more likely to die from abuse and neglect.
• ·         Less likely to be protected if abused or neglected:  The top state spends 12 times more to address child abuse and neglect than the bottom state.

A child living in the top states is more likely to receive medical attention when ill, to be protected from further assaults if sexually abused, to be treated for a mental illness rather than incarcerated, and to receive the special help needed to finish high school.  The investment on the part of the state will either be made in the form of prevention and education or in the form of treatment and incarceration.  The latter is much less expensive and, more importantly, much more productive for society and for the children.

Children born in the bottom ten states are 70% more likely to die before their first birthday than children in the top ten.  In Louisiana, the infant mortality rate is more than twice as high than in the top states (Massachusetts and Vermont).

The report is truly eye-opening:

• ·         The bottom states generally have much higher poverty rates.
• ·         The bottom states generally have much higher proportions of minority children.
• ·         The bottom states generally have much lower levels of educational attainment.
• ·         The bottom states generally have a much narrower view of the role of government in addressing social issues.
• ·         The bottom states generally tax themselves at a much lower rate, leaving inadequate revenue needed to make investments in children.
• ·         Are states unable to invest in children because they are too poor?  Or are they poor because they fail to invest?

At DCAC, we do what we can to stem the tide of abuse and neglect.  Our “Access to Health Program” offers assistance to uninsured families and children to help them maneuver through the Medicaid and CHP+ system, giving them critical medical care and treatment.  Our “Denver Safe from the Start Program” helps to keep children in underserved and high-risk schools safe from violence in their homes and communities.  Our “Forensic Interview” team is highly trained to find the truth through careful questioning of victims in a child-centric and sensitive manner.  And finally, our “Assessment and Treatment” team allows the healing to begin, “restoring childhood” for the innocent victims who walk through our doors each and every day.

Mississippi and Louisiana rank 49^th and 50^th respectively while Massachusetts and Vermont are numbers one and two.  And if you’re wondering, Colorado ranks 27^th on the chart.  Where we go from here…up or down…will be decided in the weeks and months to come.  What priority will we place on the health and well-being of our children?

*Of course, no inappropriate information is ever divulged regarding clients of DCAC with anyone.  As Director of Development, I am not privy to any confidential information shared between clients and therapists, victim advocates or interviewers.  Stories that are shared have already been made public and are done so anonymously, only after all legal proceedings have been concluded.

**FACTS AND FIGURES ARE TAKEN FROM EVERY CHILD MATTERS..

Unwanted

Denver's 5280 magazine recently ran an article on child abuse and how it impacts our community, including our overwhelmed foster care system here in Colorado.  The stories of Shawn Larson and Erika Righter are, unfortunately, far too commonplace.  I've taken the liberty to start the story here for you.


From 5280 Magazine...


As the Colorado Legislature continues to slash budgets, the state’s foster care system remains chronically underfunded. Something’s got to give, right? The thing is, if we don’t pay now, as the kids grow up, it could continue to cost us all a whole lot more than money. Just ask Erika Righter and Shawn Larson.

Click for the link if you'd like to read on....

Scott Finlay
Director of Development & Communications
Denver Children's Advocacy Center

Low Risk vs High Risk

This week, Jessica Siekmeier (DCAC Prevention Specialist) takes up the pen to talk with us about risk and how to spot children that may be at higher risk than others and to share a bit about our Prevention Program.

When is a child at highest risk?  When is a child at lowest risk?

At DCAC we would gladly close our doors if it meant that there was no longer a need for our services because child abuse did not exist.  In the DCAC Prevention Program we’re working to put ourselves out of business!  The fewer children that walk through our doors the better if it means that they are no longer in harm’s way.  In the meantime, we will continue to help families and comm,unities protect all children from abuse.  

Children from all economic, social, racial, religious, and ethnic groups are at risk for childhood sexual abuse, but certain factors make it more likely that a child may be abused while other factors reduce the chances that it will.  Protect your child and all children from sexual abuse by understanding these risks.

Kids are at high risk when. . .

. . .they don’t have strong relationships with their families

. . .they don't have strong relationships at school or with friends

. . .they suffer from mental illness

. . .they use or abuse substances

. . .they associate with sexually aggressive peers

Families are at high risk when. . .

. . .there is a lack of strong family relationships

. . .there is violence or other types of abuse in the home

Communities are at high risk when. . .

. . . there is systematic or institutional oppression

. . .there is a general tolerance of sexual violence in the community

. . .the media and social norms are supportive of sexual violence

. . .there are weak laws and policies against sexual violence

What factors reduce the likelihood that a child will be sexually abused?

Kids are at low risk when. . .

. . .they have strong family relationships and community ties

. . .they have opportunities to learn and have social interaction

. . .they have positive and supportive parenting

. . .they have access to resources

Families are at low risk when. . .

. . .the family members have close relationships with one another

. . .men and women play equal roles in the family

. . .the children do not witness violence in the home

. . .the family is connected to the community

Communities keep families and children safe from abuse when. . .

. . .everyone fights against childhood sexual abuse

. . .they have positive youth development

. . .there is communication and collaboration between ethnic groups

. . .community members have access to the resources that they need

Source:  Sexual Abuse Prevention Fund 2007 Implementation Manual

Thanks, Jessica, for these helpful insights into abuse prevention and risk identification.  If you have questions regarding these facts or other indicators of abuse, please contact DCAC at info@DenverCAC.org.  

Jessica Siekmeier, Prevention Specialist
Jessica joined DCAC in 2010 to work with at-risk children and families in the Denver Safe from the Start program. Jessica graduated from Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan, with a degree in Spanish, Journalism and International Development. As part of her studies, she spent six months abroad living with a Honduran family. Since then, Jessica has worked as a field interviewer for social ministry in a network of Grand Rapids congregations, and as a family educator and advocate with the Healthy Homes Coalition of West Michigan to help inner city families prevent lead poisoning. Jessica has recently returned from Ecuador where she served as the liaison between medical staff and patients in a rural hospital.

A Story of Hope and Restoration

Michele Odell

I have asked Michele O’Dell, Associate Pastor at Applewood Valley United Methodist Church in Golden, Colorado, to share her story with you in this week’s blog. 

“God is filled with love and forgiveness for us.  He takes us back into his arms over and over again.  This untiring, unconditional love we receive when we turn to him is called “justifying grace.”  God’s love helps us turn back when we have turned away:  sometimes we have turned away on our own accord and sometimes we turn away in shame or anger. 

I have done a lot of “turning back” in my lifetime.  My father showed me the very face of evil each and every time he abused me from infancy through college:  physically, sexually and mentally.  Over and over again, he took me and turned me toward evil and all of its horror.  And over and over again, I had to turn back to the face of goodness and forgiveness.

My father mostly abused me in the early morning in my bedroom or downstairs in his workroom in the basement.  Every time he defiled and dishonored me, I would retreat and hide in my closet.  I would run up to my room, open my closet door, sit on top of my toys, close the door and lose myself until the pain and numbness left; until a sense of myself returned.

My closet is where I found God as a child.  Its where I turned back to God.  My closet is where I could come back “home” and be restored.  Unlike the story of the “prodigal son,” I had not chosen to turn away from God.  My father had made that decision for me.  But I had to consciously turn back to him over and over again.  I would start my speech by saying, “God, I’m sorry for all of this.  I’m sorry for all this sin.  I know it is not right, but I can’t stop it.”  You see, my father had convinced me it was all my fault.  If I hadn’t been so “bad,” he wouldn’t have to do these things to me.  I was confused and riddled with guilt.  While God wept with me as I was taken into places no living creature should ever have to go, he also rejoiced with me on my return.  He brought me not only a clean set of clothes, but a clean set of skin – one untouched and undefiled.  He took me in his arms and said, “You are mine and you will feast with me.”

God’s justifying grace took me in every time I went to my closet.  And there, I found love and healing and forgiveness for myself.  The journey was often dark and difficult and I struggled…but I did find that love and I know that there is always “hope”…even in our darkest hour in our lonely closet, there is “hope.”

I'd like to thank Michele for graciously sharing her story with us.  Each day, DCAC serves as that "hope" for the journey toward healing...."hope" for a life free of violence and abuse as we continue "restoring childhood."

“Nobody Offered Any Help 15 Years Ago...”

That’s what the Stillman twins stated during a recent interview with The Denver Post. They described a childhood filled with child sexual abuse and terror in the hands of the same people who were supposed to care for them.  You can read the whole story here.

Sexual abuse continues to be the most commonly under-reported crime against children.  Sadly enough, the Stillman twins are not alone. It is estimated that by each case of child sexual abuse that IS reported, 3 cases are NOT reported.  Additionally, it is estimated that 1 out of 4 girls will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday and that 1 out of every 6 boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday.

DCAC provides a continuum of care for victims of child sexual abuse. Every day, at DCAC, we help children learn to laugh, play and be kids again. Please join us in the fight against child abuse and neglect.  Help us to continue to be the ones who can "offer help" to the innocent victims of childhood sexual abuse.  With your help, we can do it.  Visit our website to learn more about our programs.

Dr. Gizane Indart - Executive Director

The Real Monsters

I only recently started as Director of Development and Communications at DCAC.  And I must admit that my prior experience as a fundraiser was for arts organizations....quite a different mission and case.  So, obviously, I've been schooling myself on the subject of child abuse and neglect in order to get my arms wrapped around the mission of DCAC to "Prevent Abuse - Strengthen Families - Restore Childhood."  As a relative outsider, I have been astounded by the unimaginable crimes that adults are capable of committing against innocent children. 

It has been a couple of weeks since Halloween, but I have been thinking about how the REAL monsters out there are people....they look just like you and me....and they have an uncanny way of luring their prey (young boys and girls) into their trap.  The results are no less frightening than the worst horror movie you can think of.

Through my research, I recently learned that  Tom Arnold (of "Roseanne" fame) had been sexually abused from the time he was four until he was seven by his twenty-something male babysitter.  Mr. Arnold came out with this story when he was making the movie, "Gardens of the Night"  a grim story about child predators and abuse.  Making the movie was somewhat therapeutic for him.  He agreed to take on the role because of his own abuse...because he wanted to actually portray his abuser.  He insisted on his costumes being similar to what his babysitter wore.  He wanted to authentically play a pedophile in order to convey to audiences the reality of abuse and how quickly and easily it can happen.  When he was 30, Mr. Arnold confronted his abuser as part of his rehabilitation.  The man was a church leader, the owner of his own company and was about to adopt his fourth child.  The confrontation was liberating for Arnold.  Although authorities told him that there was nothing they could do about his accusations regarding his own abuse, he brought enough light to the situation to prevent the pending adoption from going through. 

"Gardens of the Night" represents the worst case scenario of abuse...it is, unfortunately, not an uncommon scenario.  The children in the movie grow up to become drug addicts, prostituting themselves, bathing in gas station bathrooms and generally living a tortured life.  The observer is forced to ask, "What might have been?"  And more importantly, "What IS going on NOW?" 

We see the pictures of faces posted on the walls every time we leave a Wal-Mart or a Sam's Club.  Most often, I know I breeze on by....scarcely thinking about the reality.  The fact is that the depravity of "Gardens of the Night" IS real.  Who knows how many of those faces are children who are living a similar reality?  Those are the MOST horrifying kinds of stories.

Thankfully, there is hope.  Daily, DCAC serves the victims of these monsters...the "hero" who manages to save the day.  Of course, it's not that simple...we can't really "save the day."  But little by little, we will continue "restoring childhood" and attempting to put an end to this devastating epidemic.  And hopefully one day "Gardens of the Night" will be a work of fiction.

Scott Finlay - Director of Development & Communications

"He Stole My Soul...."

....that's how one man described his childhood sexual abuse.  "Bill" was one of 200 men who appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show on November 5 to talk about the violence they faced on a regular basis when they were just boys.   The show was graphic....it was heartbreaking....it was hopeful.  Each man held a large photograph of himself taken around the time the violence started.  All those men in a sea of faces....the faces of little boys.  It was powerful.  For most of them, no one was there to help.  No one was there to "restore their childhood". 

We know the numbers.  1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by his 18th birthday.  We know that the rate of sexual abuse is probably drastically under-reported.  We know that boys face a very different paradigm than girls...that they are supposed to be strong....they are not supposed to be vulnerable....they are not supposed to be victims.

But those statistics start to wash over us after a while.  For many, they just become numbers; especially for those who do not work in this field.  It's easy to let the "numbers" overwhelm us to the point that they don't really represent actual people. This show made it real.  Names....faces.....stories.... The victims shared about how they were "groomed" for the abuse.  They shared about the shame they felt....about how they were profoundly affected and how it still haunts them today.

That's why DCAC is here.  We try each and every day to do what we can to "Prevent Abuse - Strengthen Families - Restore Childhood."  The "numbers" are real....our team members see the real faces and hear the real stories behind the "numbers" everyday. 

Part two of the show will air on Friday.  I encourage you to watch.

If you missed last Friday's episode....click here....you can watch the whole thing.

Scott Finlay - Director of Development & Communications

"What Keeps You Going After So Many Years?" ...

... I get that a lot.  People often ask me how I can keep going after so many years of working with children and adolescents who are victims of sexual abuse and other crimes against children.  I can honestly say that it is THEIR insurmountable strength under adversity that inspires me to go on.

I am working with a 13 year old girl who has been repeatedly sexually abused by her stepfather. The violence started when she was 9 years old, and took place almost every night while her mother was out of the home working.

Two weeks ago, she told me that she got an award at the middle-school she is currently attending for having the highest GPA.....not only in her classroom, but in her entire school!!  I almost fell off my chair!! 

I praised her for this most incredible accomplishment. She listened to me and then simply said “ I am in charge of my life and my decisions.  He is not and will never be."  THAT is what keeps me going.

~Gizane Indart
Executive Director

April Kicks Off National Child Abuse Awareness Month

April kicks off National Child Abuse Awareness Month!  Please visit http://www.denvercac.org/ for more information and to show your support through a contribution.