A Story of Hope and Restoration

Michele Odell

I have asked Michele O’Dell, Associate Pastor at Applewood Valley United Methodist Church in Golden, Colorado, to share her story with you in this week’s blog. 

“God is filled with love and forgiveness for us.  He takes us back into his arms over and over again.  This untiring, unconditional love we receive when we turn to him is called “justifying grace.”  God’s love helps us turn back when we have turned away:  sometimes we have turned away on our own accord and sometimes we turn away in shame or anger. 

I have done a lot of “turning back” in my lifetime.  My father showed me the very face of evil each and every time he abused me from infancy through college:  physically, sexually and mentally.  Over and over again, he took me and turned me toward evil and all of its horror.  And over and over again, I had to turn back to the face of goodness and forgiveness.

My father mostly abused me in the early morning in my bedroom or downstairs in his workroom in the basement.  Every time he defiled and dishonored me, I would retreat and hide in my closet.  I would run up to my room, open my closet door, sit on top of my toys, close the door and lose myself until the pain and numbness left; until a sense of myself returned.

My closet is where I found God as a child.  Its where I turned back to God.  My closet is where I could come back “home” and be restored.  Unlike the story of the “prodigal son,” I had not chosen to turn away from God.  My father had made that decision for me.  But I had to consciously turn back to him over and over again.  I would start my speech by saying, “God, I’m sorry for all of this.  I’m sorry for all this sin.  I know it is not right, but I can’t stop it.”  You see, my father had convinced me it was all my fault.  If I hadn’t been so “bad,” he wouldn’t have to do these things to me.  I was confused and riddled with guilt.  While God wept with me as I was taken into places no living creature should ever have to go, he also rejoiced with me on my return.  He brought me not only a clean set of clothes, but a clean set of skin – one untouched and undefiled.  He took me in his arms and said, “You are mine and you will feast with me.”

God’s justifying grace took me in every time I went to my closet.  And there, I found love and healing and forgiveness for myself.  The journey was often dark and difficult and I struggled…but I did find that love and I know that there is always “hope”…even in our darkest hour in our lonely closet, there is “hope.”

I'd like to thank Michele for graciously sharing her story with us.  Each day, DCAC serves as that "hope" for the journey toward healing...."hope" for a life free of violence and abuse as we continue "restoring childhood."

“Nobody Offered Any Help 15 Years Ago...”

That’s what the Stillman twins stated during a recent interview with The Denver Post. They described a childhood filled with child sexual abuse and terror in the hands of the same people who were supposed to care for them.  You can read the whole story here.

Sexual abuse continues to be the most commonly under-reported crime against children.  Sadly enough, the Stillman twins are not alone. It is estimated that by each case of child sexual abuse that IS reported, 3 cases are NOT reported.  Additionally, it is estimated that 1 out of 4 girls will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday and that 1 out of every 6 boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday.

DCAC provides a continuum of care for victims of child sexual abuse. Every day, at DCAC, we help children learn to laugh, play and be kids again. Please join us in the fight against child abuse and neglect.  Help us to continue to be the ones who can "offer help" to the innocent victims of childhood sexual abuse.  With your help, we can do it.  Visit our website to learn more about our programs.

Dr. Gizane Indart - Executive Director

The Real Monsters

I only recently started as Director of Development and Communications at DCAC.  And I must admit that my prior experience as a fundraiser was for arts organizations....quite a different mission and case.  So, obviously, I've been schooling myself on the subject of child abuse and neglect in order to get my arms wrapped around the mission of DCAC to "Prevent Abuse - Strengthen Families - Restore Childhood."  As a relative outsider, I have been astounded by the unimaginable crimes that adults are capable of committing against innocent children. 

It has been a couple of weeks since Halloween, but I have been thinking about how the REAL monsters out there are people....they look just like you and me....and they have an uncanny way of luring their prey (young boys and girls) into their trap.  The results are no less frightening than the worst horror movie you can think of.

Through my research, I recently learned that  Tom Arnold (of "Roseanne" fame) had been sexually abused from the time he was four until he was seven by his twenty-something male babysitter.  Mr. Arnold came out with this story when he was making the movie, "Gardens of the Night"  a grim story about child predators and abuse.  Making the movie was somewhat therapeutic for him.  He agreed to take on the role because of his own abuse...because he wanted to actually portray his abuser.  He insisted on his costumes being similar to what his babysitter wore.  He wanted to authentically play a pedophile in order to convey to audiences the reality of abuse and how quickly and easily it can happen.  When he was 30, Mr. Arnold confronted his abuser as part of his rehabilitation.  The man was a church leader, the owner of his own company and was about to adopt his fourth child.  The confrontation was liberating for Arnold.  Although authorities told him that there was nothing they could do about his accusations regarding his own abuse, he brought enough light to the situation to prevent the pending adoption from going through. 

"Gardens of the Night" represents the worst case scenario of abuse...it is, unfortunately, not an uncommon scenario.  The children in the movie grow up to become drug addicts, prostituting themselves, bathing in gas station bathrooms and generally living a tortured life.  The observer is forced to ask, "What might have been?"  And more importantly, "What IS going on NOW?" 

We see the pictures of faces posted on the walls every time we leave a Wal-Mart or a Sam's Club.  Most often, I know I breeze on by....scarcely thinking about the reality.  The fact is that the depravity of "Gardens of the Night" IS real.  Who knows how many of those faces are children who are living a similar reality?  Those are the MOST horrifying kinds of stories.

Thankfully, there is hope.  Daily, DCAC serves the victims of these monsters...the "hero" who manages to save the day.  Of course, it's not that simple...we can't really "save the day."  But little by little, we will continue "restoring childhood" and attempting to put an end to this devastating epidemic.  And hopefully one day "Gardens of the Night" will be a work of fiction.

Scott Finlay - Director of Development & Communications

"He Stole My Soul...."

....that's how one man described his childhood sexual abuse.  "Bill" was one of 200 men who appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show on November 5 to talk about the violence they faced on a regular basis when they were just boys.   The show was graphic....it was heartbreaking....it was hopeful.  Each man held a large photograph of himself taken around the time the violence started.  All those men in a sea of faces....the faces of little boys.  It was powerful.  For most of them, no one was there to help.  No one was there to "restore their childhood". 

We know the numbers.  1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by his 18th birthday.  We know that the rate of sexual abuse is probably drastically under-reported.  We know that boys face a very different paradigm than girls...that they are supposed to be strong....they are not supposed to be vulnerable....they are not supposed to be victims.

But those statistics start to wash over us after a while.  For many, they just become numbers; especially for those who do not work in this field.  It's easy to let the "numbers" overwhelm us to the point that they don't really represent actual people. This show made it real.  Names....faces.....stories.... The victims shared about how they were "groomed" for the abuse.  They shared about the shame they felt....about how they were profoundly affected and how it still haunts them today.

That's why DCAC is here.  We try each and every day to do what we can to "Prevent Abuse - Strengthen Families - Restore Childhood."  The "numbers" are real....our team members see the real faces and hear the real stories behind the "numbers" everyday. 

Part two of the show will air on Friday.  I encourage you to watch.

If you missed last Friday's episode....click here....you can watch the whole thing.

Scott Finlay - Director of Development & Communications