A Story of Hope and Restoration

Michele Odell

I have asked Michele O’Dell, Associate Pastor at Applewood Valley United Methodist Church in Golden, Colorado, to share her story with you in this week’s blog. 

“God is filled with love and forgiveness for us.  He takes us back into his arms over and over again.  This untiring, unconditional love we receive when we turn to him is called “justifying grace.”  God’s love helps us turn back when we have turned away:  sometimes we have turned away on our own accord and sometimes we turn away in shame or anger. 

I have done a lot of “turning back” in my lifetime.  My father showed me the very face of evil each and every time he abused me from infancy through college:  physically, sexually and mentally.  Over and over again, he took me and turned me toward evil and all of its horror.  And over and over again, I had to turn back to the face of goodness and forgiveness.

My father mostly abused me in the early morning in my bedroom or downstairs in his workroom in the basement.  Every time he defiled and dishonored me, I would retreat and hide in my closet.  I would run up to my room, open my closet door, sit on top of my toys, close the door and lose myself until the pain and numbness left; until a sense of myself returned.

My closet is where I found God as a child.  Its where I turned back to God.  My closet is where I could come back “home” and be restored.  Unlike the story of the “prodigal son,” I had not chosen to turn away from God.  My father had made that decision for me.  But I had to consciously turn back to him over and over again.  I would start my speech by saying, “God, I’m sorry for all of this.  I’m sorry for all this sin.  I know it is not right, but I can’t stop it.”  You see, my father had convinced me it was all my fault.  If I hadn’t been so “bad,” he wouldn’t have to do these things to me.  I was confused and riddled with guilt.  While God wept with me as I was taken into places no living creature should ever have to go, he also rejoiced with me on my return.  He brought me not only a clean set of clothes, but a clean set of skin – one untouched and undefiled.  He took me in his arms and said, “You are mine and you will feast with me.”

God’s justifying grace took me in every time I went to my closet.  And there, I found love and healing and forgiveness for myself.  The journey was often dark and difficult and I struggled…but I did find that love and I know that there is always “hope”…even in our darkest hour in our lonely closet, there is “hope.”

I'd like to thank Michele for graciously sharing her story with us.  Each day, DCAC serves as that "hope" for the journey toward healing...."hope" for a life free of violence and abuse as we continue "restoring childhood."